We learned it in kindergarten

Dawn Klemann
Published: April 1, 2008

This week I am celebrating my birthday. As is typical at my age, I am reflecting over the years past and evaluating where I've been.

Not too long ago, I set the personal goal of finding my way back to who I was meant to be. I can't say that I entirely accomplished that this year. But I think I came closer than in years past.

I can't tell you when I actually lost myself, but I can tell you that I think it all began in kindergarten.

I remember entering a new school, somewhere in the middle of the year.

I remember that there were two girls in my class who shared the same name. Despite this, I noticed pretty quickly that other than their name, they had virtually nothing in common.

The most obvious difference to me was that one was popular and one was not. It was at that moment that my social experiment began. As a result, I became keenly aware of what worked for Maureen One and what did not work for Maureen Two. From there, the transformation began, according to what I found to be essential to success as measured by a kindergartener.

No matter how successful the experiment, there is a desire to know who I was before "the change." In some ways it has come from getting to know my own children. Sometimes I don't recognize them. I don't understand why they are the way they are. Where did it come from-

I imagine it must be like someone who gets a nose job, loves it and only knows herself post new-nose. But then when she sees her child growing up with the old nose, it takes awhile to not only recognize it, but to also accept it.

Looking back, I have seen myself get more comfortable with the fundamentals of who I am and what I believe to be truths for all of us, whether or not we know them, recognize them or accept them.

It's just amazing to consider that our lives really do seem to begin and end in kindergarten. I mean, there are these two dichotomous worlds colliding at that same moment in time.
On one hand, we are practicing the most basic tenets of personhood.

But at that very same moment, we are beginning our lessons in competition and judgment, the very things that separate us and create anger, fear and hatred.

As I have said before, I truly believe we spend our adult lives trying to get back to who we were meant to be before the world got ahold of us.

For me, at least, that change seems to have occurred in kindergarten.

Looking back on my reflections over the last year or so, the same truths described in that old Robert Fulghum book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten" sound quite familiar.

1. Share everything
2. Play fair
3. Don't hit people
4. Put things back where you found them
5. Clean up your own mess
6. Don't take things that aren't yours
7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody
8. Wash your hands before you eat
9. Flush
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you
11. Live a balanced life -learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some
12. Take a nap every afternoon
13. Be aware of wonder
14. Remember that goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styro-foam cup - all die. So do we.
My favorite, and possibly the greatest truth of all:
15. When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Dawn Klemann is an independent columnist and
resident of Culpeper. Her column appears every other Wednesday. E-mail