Saying goodbye is never easy

Dawn Klemann
Published: July 8, 2008

I have to apologize for my absence over the last couple of weeks. But let me explain.

A pain from my neck to the middle of my back, like never before, was to blame. But that’s where it ended. Let me tell you where it began.

It started a week or two ago driving down Main Street. In that moment, I realized how out of touch I am. Hating to be out of the loop on anything, I was not happy. Whatever they really meant was irrelevant. For me, I knew what they represented: They meant, Who-do-I-think-I-am-writing-for-the-paper-when-apparently-I-have-no-clue-what’s-going-on-in-my-own-town.

I wanted to ask someone, but I felt like everyone in the world knew but me. I was completely ashamed to admit my ignorance.

All I knew was that the purple ribbons were laughing at me.

So, as I sat at my computer attempting to share my thoughts about God knows what, my back and shoulders and neck began to spasm. With each contraction was the image of those ribbons that I knew nothing about.

That awareness was apparently more than I could bare. Apparently my body was willing to take one for the team, rather than allow my heart and mind to experience that truth. So instead, my body surrendered.

It had been nagging at me for awhile that since returning to work full time, I’m just not on top of much of anything anymore.

I remember years ago, sitting in judgment of my dear friend who knew nothing of the latest court ruling, or of the latest international crisis. But she knew everything there was to know about her daughter’s teacher or her son’s latest broken toy. To me, she was out of touch. I know now that she was exactly where she needed to be.

So often I hear myself say, “I should be able to handle it all.”

Only now am I seeing that there are really only very few “shoulds” in life, and that is not one of them.

Shoulds do very little to get a person to do what needs to be done. Instead, they can move you further from who you actually are and closer to who others want you to be. No one wins that way, because they are disappointed and you are resentful. I can do without that.

And then, right on cue: Independence Day.

Replacing the purple ribbons, there were instead the stars and stripes to remind us of how far we’ve come and why we’re here.

It’s so clear to me now. It’s about claiming your little piece of the world and cherishing it. That is how you change the world; one piece at a time. It is about realizing what you hold dear and committing to it, no matter what.

Now I think I know that the purple ribbons were in support of all who participated in the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life a few weeks ago. I also know that for me the ribbons were not the point.

The point for me was that I realized the pressure I had placed on myself. I had not adjusted to my new circumstance. I was still trying to carry on my shoulders a weight that, albeit worthwhile, was possibly no longer my greatest gift to give and no longer in my best interest despite my best efforts.

And so, literally, my back gave out.

Being that I am a talker, I know Culpeper will hear my voice again. I know that by admitting that this moment has passed, I am now available for my next chance to give. I am so grateful for so much as a result of the space you have provided for me to grow and to share with you. Saying goodbye is never easy, but it has been said that, “If both people learned what they were meant to learn, then that relationship was a success.”

So, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

Dawn Klemann is an independent columnist and resident of Culpeper. This is her final column. E-mail