To the Mrs. Longs of the world: There needs to be more like you

Elizabeth Bevins
Published: July 12, 2008

Yesterday, as I sat in the memorial service for Nettie Elizabeth Long, I listened closely to her minister and loved ones as they spoke fondly of her, and the life that she lived.

Having only met Mrs. Long on a few occasions, I learned a great deal about her in a very short time yesterday. Indisputably, she was a giver. She not only cared for her family and friends, but she gave freely of herself to her community and the people in it. She volunteered her time to help others. She supported and loved her children, grandchildren, family and friends. In her 85 years, she truly lived life to the fullest. She contributed positively to her own life, and in the lives of all of those who crossed her path. She took the extra time to sit down with friends, and really ask how things were going in their life, because she really did care. She had faith, praying with you and for you. She respected herself, and others.

As I looked around during the service, I watched a room full of family and friends who would forever be blessed to have known her. Moments such as yesterday always have a lasting impression on me.

What an impact people can make on each other. It is truly a shame that life starts moving by so quickly, that at times, we all seem to forget that simple fact. All of us impact each other, hopefully in a positive way.

Almost 10 years ago, I attended a different kind of memorial service. The person who had passed away had lived a different kind of life, though.

Prior to that memorial service, the minister had sat with the children of the deceased and asked for them to share some stories of their father, and the life that he had lived.

The sister thought and thought, and then asked her brother if he could help come up with any memory to share about their father. Sadly, the brother did the same, truly searching his memory longing to come up with one good memory to share with the minister to include in the eulogy.

Finally, the sister tearfully shared with the minister the truth. Their father had spent his life treating those around him abusively, in drunken rages. Neither the brother nor the sister could remember even one single time that was enjoyable, positive or loving. After time had past, the only idea that the children could think of to include in the eulogy was to finally place out in the light, what they had lived with for so many years in the dark…

When it came time for this eulogy 10 years ago, the minister instead shared how alcohol and abuse had devastated this family. He shared how, for whatever reason, the father never made a decision to try and live any other way.

What a great loss for all who had endured the wrath of his abuse. Survival became picking out different masks to hide the pain that he had inflicted upon them all.

Funerals are sad in many ways. I suppose that you not only bury your loved one, but in some cases, you bury who they could have been.

What a wonderful world it would be, and I wonder how we could all change, if we all had a Mrs. Long by our side.

Elizabeth Bevins is the Executive Director of SAFE, Inc. and can be reached at 825-8891 or at .