Tips to take the stress out of senior dating

Marshall Conner
Published: June 28, 2008

A first date can induce sweaty palms at any age and this can be especially true for single seniors re-entering the world of dating. Today I offer a little dating advice just for older adults to help reduce the stress and have you skipping through the meadow of love in no time.

For many seniors the greatest roadblock to dating is the feeling of guilt over loyalty to a former or deceased spouse.

Until death do you part, means just that, no matter how much we miss our loved one or a spouse who passed away after many happy years of marriage and raising a family. It may feel unfair or unjust that this special person left us. No one says you have to stop loving him or her, but it’s just as important that you continue to live, love and grow as a person.

A Buddhist scholar once told me, “Look at life like you look at the waves breaking on a beach. You see a wave created or born, you see it build and you see its conclusion as it breaks upon the shore. Life is the same way, each day the cycle of life plays out like the tide —-the only thing we are guaranteed is the present.”

Live and love in the present. No one knows this better than seniors. The first step is making a commitment to start a new chapter in your life.

It’s never good to rush into something as important as love. You’re much wiser now so save the drama for the under 55 set—- relax, have fun, establish a group of friends and enjoy the freedom of starting a new social calendar.

One advantage of senior dating is that honesty and life experience tend to make people more open with their feelings and less likely to build facades.

Here are a few suggestions that may improve your chances of finding love in the autumn of life:

-Find people who share a common interest like a social club, community service, volunteering, sports, religion, adult education or recreational opportunities. This is where new love is easiest to find, according to most seniors.

-Consider hanging out with healthy/active people. Make an investment in your health. You don’t have to clank weights all day (unless you want too) just make an effort to exercise whether it’s a low-impact aerobic class, swimming or just walking the dog.

-Don’t discount education. Many people found the love of their life there once before. Who says it can’t happen again? One secret of life that many seniors in their late 90s and 100s have expressed unanimously is to “keep learning new things.”

-Be prepared to annoy your adult children by staying out past your bedtime, flirting with your new boyfriend or girlfriend and traveling to exotic locales where they wish they could go.

-If you’re retired why limit yourselves to weekends? Monday through Friday is where it’s at. Use the weekends to rest while the working world tries to cram all their fun into two lousy days.

-Remember that fun and laughter have no age limit; you can chuckle until your last breath. You might even want to try a knock-knock joke on the grim reaper.

-Explore new places, take a road trip, take a cruise or buy a Harley and hit the road. My father-in-law bought a motorcycle, joined a veterans group and even got his first tattoo all in his post retirement years.

-With the popularity of the Food Network, Travel Channel and other niche channels we all can be “Foodies,” exploring the world for new tastes and even trying our hand at slicing and dicing. Cooking together can be very romantic and relaxing. One thing that many seniors can enjoy even when health limits independence is the pleasure of taste and smell—- a good meal can be a thrilling event.

-Follow a sports team an entire season and explore the various fan groups associated with the team, whether it’s a professional team, your former high school or your college alma mater. The social bonding within fan groups can be a great way to meet other people with a common passion.

-Respect the fact that a prospective date may not be ready to date yet. Many people just want friendship or someone to enjoy a laugh with. Don’t rush in like a hormone-addled middle-school kid.

Last but not least the big question. “Are seniors still… umm… well you know?”

Thanks to healthier lifestyles and a couple pharmaceuticals older men and women are enjoying sex late into their lives. As Ripley says, “believe it or not.”

To learn more about Aging Together is doing to improve quality of life for older adults contact Jenny Biche at 825-7615 or . Visit our website at agingtogether.org.