The stress of wedding planning

Gillian Holliday
Published: July 5, 2008

Editor’s note: Gillian Holliday, 34, continues a new monthly Culpeper News column today. She will share some of the differences in customs and terminology between weddings — and life — in the United Kingdom and the United States. Gillian and her fiancé, Steve, 41, plan a Sept. 19, 2009, wedding in Kettlewell, North Yorkshire in the U.K. We have left British spelling and terminology “un-Americanized.”

What turns a normal, sensible woman into a completely stressed out control freak?

Two words: wedding planning.

I used to be a perfectly rational person until we announced the engagement and the whole “wedding circus” swung into town. Now I find myself surrounded by lists, menu suggestions and piles of paper reaching epic proportions. I go everywhere with my wedding journal and woe betide anyone who attempts to even mention a different topic of conversation!

Poor Steve receives regular “to do” lists and is harangued on a regular basis to seek out various essential items such as the most gorgeous little balloon weights! Fortunately, he’s managing to keep me relatively grounded and when things get a little out of hand he just says “Honey? You’re having a Bridezilla moment.” Which generally brings me back down to earth, albeit with much muttering under my breath!

We’ve booked St Mary’s church in Kettlewell for the ceremony and the local village hall for the reception afterwards. It’s a little bit sobering once the venues are booked but exciting all at the same time.

Steve will be here in a couple of months (he thinks for a holiday!) and I’ve already planned a very full itinerary for him! First of all, we have to meet with the vicar to go through the requirements for the ceremony, such as the readings and hymns we would like to have. I’m hoping the church is one of the few left here in the U.K. that still allows confetti to be thrown outside as so many of them don’t anymore and in the U.K. we don’t generally throw rice over the newlyweds.

We also have to meet with caterers, florists, event managers and loads of others as its one of the few chances we have to discuss things together with suppliers.

Tradition over here demands that the happy couple host two wedding receptions. The first one is the wedding breakfast which is a very formal multi-course meal immediately after the ceremony for family and close friends. I’m not sure why it is called a wedding breakfast as it can be held at any time of day, but I believe it is from Victorian times where the term related to the first meal the couple took as husband and wife. This is followed by an informal evening reception which has more of a party atmosphere. A light buffet meal is generally served and in addition to friends and family the couple have the opportunity to invite everyone else they’ve ever met in their entire lives, from the babysitter to someone they once said hello to at the bus stop! Guests invited to the wedding breakfast automatically assume they are attending the evening reception as well but separate invitations are required for those just attending the evening function.

Steve and I have decided to flout tradition and just have one reception, only inviting the people we really want to be there, as we feel this is more personal and special. Plus we would like the day to have a relaxed atmosphere, not exactly a brash free-for-all party but not stiff-upper-lip rigid formality either. We’re also planning to combine some American traditions into the day such as lighting a unity candle as this is something we don’t have over here.

One thing we did notice was the slight difference in the “something old, something new” rhyme. Over here the rhyme goes: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, silver sixpence in your shoe. Essentially, this means the bride is supposed to have an old sixpence coin tucked into her shoe when she walks down the aisle to bring luck, although nowadays the sixpence has been replaced by a penny.

In addition to all this planning, we’re also looking forward to celebrating our first “anniversary” on 7 July this year. Unfortunately we won’t be able to spend it together but I’m sure we’ll find a way to mark the occasion. It will be exactly one year since I replied to Steve’s pen pal posting and now look at us! I never imagined at the time that this would be the outcome but it just goes to prove that God or Fate really does move in mysterious ways.

Now, where did I put my wedding journal ... ?