‘Night’ not a masterpiece

Allison Brophy Champion / Culpeper Star Exponent
Published: April 26, 2007

What if everything came to life in the museum at closing time-
I think it would be a whole lot more fun than Ben Stiller's new DVD, "Night at the Museum."

Sorry, I fell asleep.

Based on the children's book of the same name by Croatian author Milan Trenc, the movie is run-of-the-mill, at best, with only a few laughs (four or five) despite its all-star cast.

And man oh man "Night at the Museum" is too long, causing me to doze off near its uneventful end. In concept, it's a cool movie, but as far as the implementation and script it's a yawner.

Stiller plays a deadbeat divorcee dad, Larry, who's always dreaming about some whacky invention (i.e. the snapper, think the clapper, but not as clever).

He can never hold down a job, however, and this causes unnatural levels of stress for his kid (Jake Cherry).

So Larry takes a menial job as a night watchman at the Museum of Natural History in New York City, earning $11.50 an hour and falling asleep on the job his first night.

See- Even he's bored.

The coolest thing about the movie are the guys who hire him, some real old-timers.

Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs star as the former night watchmen, who are losing their jobs/retiring due to downsizing at the museum.

I didn't know Mickey Rooney was still alive, let alone still doing movies. But the 86-year-old classic film star is great as the cranky Gus, calling Stiller's character any number of far flung, old fashioned names like: weirdi, lunchbox, hopscotch and butterscotch. He works with what little he has, and Rooney is delightful to behold.

Van Dyke, 81, is more-than-tolerable, too, in "Night at the Museum," but mostly because of his reputation ("Mary Poppins") and not his very few, uninspired lines. So much talent, so little implementation - such a shame.

These old guys are not ashamed to be leaving their longtime posts, however, on account of the mayhem that erupts when the lights go down.

They don't warn poor Larry about it though because, one, he'd think they were crazy, and two, he might quit. They leave him with a list of instructions, which he never bothers to look at, slacker that he is.

Later that night, feet comfortably propped up on the entrance desk, Larry is awakened by the sound of big bones in motion.

The museum's T-Rex skeleton is alive, and get this, he wants to play fetch.

Rule number one: throw the bone. Funny.

By this time, the rest of the museum has come to life (it's some ancient Egyptian tablet that makes them real), and Larry is running for his life. Lions are on the loose (see rule number two) as well as Trojans, cowboys and Indians and woolly mammoths.

Some of the museum's occupants are miniature, while others are life-size, including Attila the Hun (Patrick Gallagher), Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams) and Sacajawea (Mizuo Peck).

Owen Wilson is the wildest miniature, a rooting-tooting Wild West guy named Jedediah.

Yee-haw! This cowboy's actually pretty funny. Gotta love Owen Wilson.

The Easter Island head is amusing too with his penchant for chewing gum.

"Hey dum-dum, you got gum-gum-" he asks Larry, who has no idea what he's talking about.

By the time the movie gets around to his second or third night at the museum, and by the time Larry's son is proud of him again, I'm starting to fade out.

"Night at the Museum," though no work of art, is worth the cost of a DVD rental.

Allison Brophy Champion can be reached at 825-0771 ext. 101 or